How I survived the school year

The school year is over, two more years and I have finished the high school, but this is not important at the moment. This school year has been extremely difficult for me...I have had so hard times, that giving up seemed like the only opinion, but you know what? I didn't give up and my words can not explain how proud of myself I actually am this day. 

Because the year is over it is safe to say that...I still don't like this school, I know that it's not where I belong. You might think "Why the hell are you still in this school then?" I sometimes think that too. But the answer is pretty simple. Friends.

The school isn't as terrible place as it was in the beginning of the year for sure. Things kinda got better two months later...there was time where I actually thought that I might even like this place...But then school got harder, I started having problems with my family, not talking with best friends, grades and well I had like 3 friends. Cool! It was time where I was actually very sad, kinda depressed, done with my life and I didn't want to do anything...I actually didn't quite show it and still continued living my life.
                                                           
It was time where I realized who my real friends are, why they like me and so on...For me it was hard to show my real feelings, because I had felt so lonely..but I kinda started being more open and tried to enjoy my life too. It worked perfectly! I had nice time few months.

At the beginning of the year (2017) was so hard! My granddad was in the hospital, my granny was broken and I was so lost that I didn't go to school about a week...note, my friends/class hadn't seen me about a month (beacause holidays) and I was afraid to go back. Of course I did it, and thanks to few lies everybody were supportive and I felt okay there.
                                                  
But this year there were also so many drama...like literally too much..people gave me hate, talked behind my back, tried to put me against people and it was time where I started to question myself "Am I really that bad person?What have I done?Should I leave?" But at the end everything got better, I mean with some people, with some just no. Everybody can't be friends with everybody.

I also skipped school so much. So often I felt that I just can't step into that building, I felt frightened and seriously I was afraid of my class...I lost good connections even with my best friend! All of the thoughts and things were too much for me, that I felt like throwing up, I just wanted to give up on everything because who the fuck cares what I do??!?!?!

I had few friends in school. They kinda became close to me..Then it was time where my studying fell...I did not put that much effort to my studying, I skipped even more lessons...I felt like I am leaving myself down..and this is actually the worst feelings ever. Lots of crying, pep talk, whining and feeling uninspired....People in my class became just people who I have to see around me..I didn't feel friend connections with them, they just were. When there was about month till the end of school I realized I have about 23 things that I need to do, it broke me..so few days I was really down...and to find the courage to get myself up again..

That's when I kinda found new friend, girl this time. And oh she helped me so much, I am sure she does not know that, but it made me feel stronger and I decided not to give up. So for now I had about 3 amazingly good friends. I knew they supported me, and they were always there for me. And one day when two of them talked (what I after heard) made me almost cry. Because I hadn't imagined that somebody cares about me so much, that I mean a lot to them, they are interested what I do and how I feel..like they did. They were always ready to be there for me. And I was so shocked...I know this sounds so weird...but I had found three people around me who I loved so much and I was just amazed how I had become so lucky.

             

The school end was becoming closer and closer but then again it felt so far away..Then there was one day...the day when everything went wrong..I had 16 days till the end of the school. I was so depressed, I don't remember the day when I have cried that much before...I was so close to giving up..I actually was..I yeah..it had been the hardest day of my life that I can remember from a long time ago...But because my mood showed out in school the friends were there for me, they loaded me with hugs, supported me and it was just...wow

I had one busy week, test by test. I stayed strong and then it was about 9 days till the end of the year. I felt so proud, but what happened was...too much stress and it broke me down...I probably cried four days..I did't quite recognize myself and yeah...thanks to that special someone, I got through it and now everything is fine, I feel fine. And as this goes live the school is actually over and there is nothing to stress about anymore and let's just hope that next year will be better for me than this year was :)

I was a little shocked how I had found so many people around me. People/friends were around me. We talked, I did not feel so bored and then I realized that...I still hadn't left the school just because of them. Friends are the only reason why I was still in the school...it is amazing how strong influence some people can be to you. They were always there for me and supported and helped me...so I am sosososo thankful for these few people, who always told me to hold my head up and filled me with their positivity. I love you all so much <3