People change...

I just love sharing my feelings...Even though I imagine so many people think, that what is wrong with me and why do I need to share things, can't I just keep it to myself?But just lately...A lot has happened...And I feel like I wanna share my thoughts.

I've got older.I don't wanna sound ego, but usually I've been person who has friends, great relationship with people...I care about people, I try to help them and be there for them, but this year...I've just realized how stupid I am.Giving so much smile and help to people is so wrong..never be that nice, because what you get is nothing...People just use you and they leave and they'll forget everything...

So lately I've been trying to find myself...And I have realized a little bit more who I am..what I want to do and how should I do it...So I've been trying to change my thinking and the way I see world...But for me I've stayed the same person, except from that...that I've trying to smile/laugh/chill out more and help others..And then there was a day...Where I heard literally three or four person talking "Omg, Kelly has changed so much, don't you think?" And when you hear people say "We probably won't continue talking, because yeah you are that kind of a person.." It actually really hurts...

I mean I don't take talking behind my back that personally.I know that we all talk behind everybody's back, yeah I care a little about it what people think but what bothers me the most is that they don't know nothing..They just talk shit, but they don't have no idea what's going on..And the fact that your best friend can turn into the person you hate the most...it's heartbreaking..It's terrible to see how much people mind can change what it can think..But I guess it's normal...That's life.

I am trying so hard to be nice and everything...help people with school, problems and so on...And this is what you get-you loose friends...your good friends just disappear, awesome right?Lately I've been questioning "Who are friends?", "Why are they here?", "Are they real?" And what I learned is...I basically don't have them...Like you might read and be like "Ahh, what is she talking about of course she has and so on" But I am being honest when I say that people have kinda dropped me so I am here right now with like 3 friends who I talk maybe every day... Connor said in his book true things about people, and who they are actually to you...And if I thought about it then I just realized how true that was...Who was close, who was friend, who was just a person who I know.

I just wanna say that if you see or think that somebody has changed...don't talk trash about her/him.Go to that person and talk.You never know what's going on in that person's head...Maybe that person wants to just start over.Maybe that person has hard times finding itself.Maybe that person feels lonely.Maybe something bad has happened.YOU never know.

So yeah the thing what I have learned is that no matter how great person you are or if you change for yourself then people will still talk shit about you...and no people won't start loving you more what you do...they'll hate you more :)

I saw a quote ..."After being disappointed so many times, psychologically you begin to lose hope in everything" And that is so true...I mean I am person who finds it so hard to trust people...I have had past that it is quite hard and I feel like always when I try to live positive life there always happens somethings disappointing and I am left there...sad again..So that quote is...something very true.